Rosa sat so that Martin could walk...

Martin walked so that Obama could run...

Obama ran so that our children might fly!

If you subscribe to the notion that it takes a village to raise a child, and that we live in a global village, then the children referred to are all and any children everywhere.

go well.

Most people are 'away from problem' thinkers; relatively few are 'toward solution thinkers'. Well Formed Outcomes direct thinking toward solutions and provide high value information as a basis for decision making...... The following can be used as a questionnaire or as a checklist. If you do not know the answers to these and related questions, your outcome is not well formed. If you know that your outcome is not well-formed, it would be folly and maybe costly to forge ahead regardless...... WFOs Say what you want, not what you don’t i.e. speak in concrete and sensory specific terms. What will you or others see, hear, feel that shows you are moving toward a WFO? How will you know that you have got it? What would you settle for? When do you want it by? What would you settle for? What time constraints exist? What resources do you need? What resources do you already have? What support do you need? Who needs to know? How might others be affected? Who might object? For what reasons? What might hinder you? Is it SMART: Specific? Measurable? Achievable? Realistic? Timely? What will happen if you don’t get what you want? What won’t happen if don’t get what you want? What will happen if you do get what you want? What won’t happen if do get what you want? What makes this a worthwhile outcome for you? How will getting it make you more the kind of [person/whatever] you’d like to be? How might you sabotage yourself? How might we sabotage ourselves? When people speak, as we listen (and think), we naturally delete, distort and generalise. Add to that the fact that most people tend to be ‘away from problem’ thinkers, it is not surprising that so much miscommunication and misunderstanding occurs. The Well Formed Outcome, with skillful questioning (of self or others) helps direct attention toward the future and solution-focused thinking. It can also help to reduce, sometimes even eradicate problems that cost a lot more than mere money!

MAPS is an acronym that refers to the Metaphors, Assumptions, Paradigms and, Sensations with which we make sense (or nonsense) of what has been, is or might yet be happening. Although there will be overlaps and similarities, the many variables and modifications inevitably create unique models of 'reality'. Regrettably, there is a kind of fundamentalist thinking that ensues from the underlying - or sometimes arrogant - assumption that "There is only one way and it's MY way!" i.e. My map is, indeed, The Territory! Obviously, as you and I process events or the situation by 'filtering' it through our different maps, we will inevitably come to different conclusions, have different, maybe even oppositional or antagonistic, thoughts and feelings. These differences can be minimum or massive, but either way, if unrecognised, unacknowledged, unexplored, they might explode into the kind of petty squabble, miscommunication or loss of rapport and trust that, all too often, hinders and hurts the people involved....more PS Because I cannot figure out how to create spaces between paragraphs, I have broken this down into separate posts. It seems a little less daunting than a whole chunk of black text!

That I started the last paragraph with 'obviously' is obviously an indication of MY map! Clearly (!) it is not obvious by virtue of the points I am touching on in this blog. It is almost anything but obvious in many team meetings, negotiating forums, interpersonal conflicts, and petty squabbles, blazing rows, cold shoulders, whinge sessions or training workshops where, for the sake of a question or two, the communication or meeting or relationship would flow much better. And let’s not even get started on personal relationships! All too often, for the sake of questions asked with genuine curiosity, people end up fighting e.g. passive aggression, fleeing e.g. getting bored or ‘doing’ stupid, or freezing e.g. the meeting grinds to a halt or people – even grown ups - sulk! If an overt expression of frustration occurs, at least it's out in the open for all to see. Most of us will be familiar with the dead elephant syndrome, though! The big, nasty, festering thing that rots away in a corner because nobody wants to risk opening a can of worms (to mix metaphors)! .....more

A lot of miscommunication occurs because people assume shared meanings. We take it for granted that everyone understands what 'respect', 'listening', 'commitment', and other ordinary little words 'mean'. Of course we do, and it works well enough often enough. Yet, just notice how seldom people check that they have actually understood or how infrequently people check that they have been understood or successfully transmitted their message....more

How to check? Remember that communication requires transmission and reception and that reception will be significantly influenced by the maps through which the message gets filtered. Certainly NOT by asking "Do you understand?" or, worse, "Has every one understood?" This can be especially dangerous if asked of a person without authority or status by a person who is thus endowed. There are a number of reasons why this is risky, not least that the question itself implies, or can certainly be interpreted as 'If I've (you’ve) understood, no questions should need to be asked’. Or ‘No one else is asking and I don't want to be the odd one out and look stupid!’ (Obviously I am generalising). A somewhat better question is, "Has anybody not understood?" or "What have I not been clear about?" And even better is to encourage and create an organisational or meetings culture in which ignorance is not a sin. That skilful, incisive questions are accepted as the norm, and considered desirable, even essential (because they are!). So much so that, where necessary, the ability to ask such questions is taught by example, by osmosis and perhaps formally! I will post blogs on skilful questioning and exquisite listening skills that can transform lacklustre meetings that people would rather avoid into dynamic, stimulating events that people want to attend because they are uplifting, validating and motivating experiences....more

MAPS: Other words that fit the acronym are: Meanings Attitudes Patterns Sensibilities. If you use a word or phrase that, although neither of us realises it, has a different meaning for each of us; if a tone of voice suggests a certain attitude, though neither of us is aware of it; if our patterned behaviours seem like inflexibility – prejudice, for example, and our continued disregard for each others sensibilities makes us seem callous, we might be constantly at logger heads or giving each other the cold shoulder, or getting hot under the collar, all of which gets in the way of effective and efficient meetings between two or more people, which can, as you know, have disastrous consequences. One simple question that can have a real and positive impact on people’s contribution to a discussion is, “What else do you think, feel or want to say about that?” This is from Nancy Kline’s ‘Time to Think’, which I will return to in future blogs. If that seems too much effort, “What else is there about [X]?” [X] being their words. You can ask, “Is there anything else about [X]?” but it is a closed question, which makes it easier for people to answer ‘Yes!’ or ‘No!’ rather than be more forthcoming and informative, which is what open questions encourage..........end